Regret
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Regret wasn't something he felt often. But he'd felt it with Alex's death. And he felt it again here, staring at Juliet's jungle-bed grave. Season 6 spoliers. Ben, Sun and Illana find Juliet's grave.


**This was just a random thought. I know what you're all thinking, no Suliet? Wtf?**

**I've never really attempted to get into Ben's mind. But why not? Let me know how I did.**

**Regret**:

He followed. For all intents and purposes, he had _always_ followed, even when he didn't know that he was. In the past, he followed Jacob. Then, he'd followed the man in black, though in his defense, he'd believed him to be John Locke. Now, he followed Illana and Sun to the temple. And it was during that trek through the jungle that they came across the grave.

"Whose do you think it is?" Sun questioned. She stared at the make-shift cross. Squinted at the carvings in the broken branches. She felt her mouth go dry a little and she backed away, standing back up. "Juliet.."

Ben froze. He stared down at the disrupted ground. That wasn't possible. Not _his_ Juliet. And he nearly went to claw at the soil to prove the cross wrong, but he stopped himself.

Illana glanced at him and Sun. "You knew this.. Juliet?"

Sun nodded while Ben just stood stock-still, his eyes wide in their bug-eyed way.

And he realized then that this _was_ possible. She _could_ be dead. Her body could be _under_ the soil, under the ground. How many deaths was he responsible for? She had wanted to go home, after all. But he had refused her that.

He recalled all those years ago when she'd came and accused him of lying to her about Rachel. He recalled her anger, her sadness, her grief. He remembered the way she begged to go home, the way he flat-out told her no. And when she'd cried on his shoulder and he'd simply walked away and left her to deal with that.

Not only did he remember her then. He remembered her from a lot longer ago then that. He suddenly realized he knew where she died. _When_ she died.

***Flashback***

"_You said a woman tried to save my life."_

_Richard stared at Ben. He could see this going badly. "I did," he admitted._

"_Do you know who?" Ben asked him._

"_I do," he also admitted._

_Ben nodded. "They never told me."_

"_And you shouldn't remember," Richard pointed out._

"_I don't, the scar doesn't lie," Ben stated. "I asked Horace.. my father," he admitted. "They never said."_

_Richard was silent for a moment. "Her name is Juliet."_

"_So she's still alive?"_

_Richard paused, wondering how to answer that. "She's a bit younger, actually," he stated._

_Ben arched an eyebrow. "Say what?"_

"_Six years younger then she was at the time, to be exact," Richard told him._

"_You're kidding."_

"_You've seen me," Richard stated. "This surprises you?"_

_Hesitation. Ben stared at him. "You don't age. You're telling me, she aged _backwards_?" he questioned. "In over twenty years, you're telling me she's gotten six years younger?"_

"_That about sums it up."_

"_Well where is she?" Ben questioned. He had to see it to believe it._

_Richard paused briefly to think that one over. "According to Jacob, she takes up residence in Miami."_

"_Florida," Ben replied. "Well, let's bring her here."_

_Richard stared at him. "Here?"_

"_Yes."_

"_I suppose we could use her expertise, she's a fertility doctor."_

_Ben stared at him now. "A fertility doctor performed surgery on my gun-shot wound?"_

"_That's correct."_

"_By all means, take Ethan and go pay her a visit," Ben suggested. "Don't come back without her, Richard."_

_Richard was silent as he thought about it. It was Jacob's wish anyways. "Very well."_

***End Flashback***

He had brought her here because she had saved him. She had saved him, obviously knowing who he was, what he would do to her. Essentially, he had been the death of her. It was like a twisted loop of insanity that his mind was weaving. Was he alive because he kept her here, because she saved him? He'd claimed her as his own, had that essentially sentenced her to her death and sentenced him to his saved-life by doing so?

He knelt down, placing his hand on the upturned soil. His eyes looked at the cross of branches sticking out of the ground. '_Juliet_'. Her named etched in a bad attempt to give her a grave marker. Someone had clearly cared enough to do so. None of the make-shift crosses on the beach had any names carved into them. Finally he looked to the side and saw the shovels resting on the ground.

"She hasn't been buried long," came Illana's voice, also noticing the shovels. "Those haven't been sitting around long.."

Recently. She'd died recently? He had a hard time letting that sit well in his mind.

"We should get moving." Illana again. "Your friend or not.. we really need to get to the temple."

Sun frowned slightly. She remembered Juliet showing her Ji Yeon on the ultrasound. She also remembered slapping her for attempting to save her life by potentially ruining her marriage. She hadn't ruined it, but she'd come close. She admitted to herself now that the blonde had done it with the best intentions. She had also told her to get on the Zodiac first because she was pregnant.

She had proved herself, hadn't she? She hadn't been all that grateful to her until now. Because this could have been her. She glanced at Ben, seeing the alarm and shock on his face still. Juliet had betrayed him, had she not? Why did he seem a bit grief-stricken?

"_I wanna go home.. I wanna go home, Ben.. please.._" – "_Can't you please just let me go home?_"

How he'd gone from that, giving her a simple no, to sending off Goodwin to his death was beyond him. He'd done it purposely. Getting rid of the man in Juliet's life.

"_After everything I've done to get you here, after everything I've done to _keep_ you here, how can you possibly not understand?! That you're _mine."

He had brought her here. He had kept her here regardless of the fact she didn't want to be here. Even when he had left, she had remained here. And now she would never leave here. Buried six feet under in the same captivity she longed and begged to be free from.

Regret wasn't something he felt often. But he'd felt it with Alex's death. And he felt it again here, staring at Juliet's jungle-bed grave.

**()()END()()**

**I have no idea. Like I said, it sort of got stuck in my head.**


End file.
